*Introducing a new character to add to my continuously growing army of alts.*
September 20th
Dear Journal,
I suppose I ought to start this out by saying that my name is Taleonis Nightshade and I am a Kaldorei Death Knight. Not much to add to that other than the fact that my memories are of a more recent time when I was in service to the Lich King, anything prior to that time is lost to me.
It is hard to know what it was that I was prior to being released from the Lich King’s grasp, however, I know that there had to be more to me as a man than the killing machine that I became. I remember some of the things that I have done and I do weep with remorse and shame because it was not something that I know I would have done if my humanity had been left intact. Such cruel things we did and such awful things that we endured under the guidance of the Lich.
I have gone back to Darnassus and I do wander the streets and avenues there feeling at least somewhat at home. Getting back with one’s own kind I think is probably the best thing that I could have done. Oh yes, I was welcomed in Stormwind and I know that I could have stayed there for an indefinite period of time, however, I yearned to return to my homeland.
No, I didn’t go back to Darnassus to find my family, I know that I must have had one at some point, at least parents. I wanted to go back to where my familial roots might be in order to gain some kind of inner peace from the life that I had led as solider in the Lick King’s service. I know that I must have had friends that might recognize me, however, I do know that sometimes people are still definitely afraid of my kind because some of us haven’t learned how to control themselves when they are amongst the living – some of the newer Death Knights never finished the training required and are at a loss as to what it is that they are supposed to do – some have memories of families and some are like myself, their past is a clean slate.
One of the things that I have discovered about myself is that I must have been a tailor and enchanter before my change because I take great joy in making garments, I enjoy handling the cloth and being able to create something that is actually beautiful. Naturally, my hands have been roughened and calloused over the years by handing a sword and they sometimes are too coarse to handle some of the more delicate fabrics. I have learned a few tricks too, wearing gloves sometimes will enable me to handle some of the more delicate bolts of silk. One of the things that I think amuses some of my friends is that I can go on for hours about the different types of cloth and don’t even get me started on brocades.
So far I have enjoyed giving service to the King and the Alliance and I have felt more at ease the more I force myself to interact with the living. I know that I will never be the man that I was before the change, however, that doesn’t mean that I will remain as I once was before my freedom was given back to me. At least now I have the ability to make choices and my thoughts are my own and not some voice in my mind giving me directions as to what I will be doing.
I don’t think that the living could possibly understand what that control was like. Every conscious moment that you had, there was that nagging feeling that there was someone else with you, the voice would speak up and you had orders that had to be followed as directed because if they weren’t, there were dire circumstances that would befall you. The punishments handed out to some of us in Archerus were severe enough to where some us never truly recovered from them.
“All that I am: Anger, Cruelty, Vengeance – I bestow upon you, my chosen knight. I have granted you immortality so that you may herald in a new dark age for the Scourge.” These were the first words that I can remember from the Lich King as he stood upon the platform overlooking the Plaguelands – I know that there was no bewilderment for me then, it was as it should be. However, with the change of power and the loss of that direction, I willingly admit that I wandered around for quite some time with bewilderment and that feeling of being lost as my constant companions. No, I’m not angry or filled with shame for what I have become, I will continue to live with the living and make my way in this new order.
I can understand why some of the living hate my kind. We were creations of war, that is all that we were, we fought, we killed and kept doing that until our release. I know that there are things that I have done that I am not proud of and wish that I could go back and change them, however, it is something that I have come to accept as a part of my “past”. However, even with the release from the Lich King, we were not released from the control of our Rune Blades, our very lives depend on how well we can manage that hunger that grows with that blade. At least I know how and when I need to go out and satiate that hunger, some of us have allowed it to drive them over the edge of sanity into madness – those Death Knights were hunted down and destroyed. Oh yes, we can be killed, we’re not indestructible entities as some would like to believe. We can be injured, we can suffer some amount of pain, however, we are supposedly immortal.
There are times that I sometimes wish that I knew about the man that I was and I know that in time I may find some of the answers to the questions that I have asked myself. I know that some people probably think that it’s rather odd for a Death Knight to still follow the teachings of Elune – I know that I do and it gives me a certain peace that I can find in no other place. There are times that I feel as if my soul is starting to break free from the changes that were made to me and might be finding its way back to the Light. My question in that regard is if my soul were to return to this body, would this body complete the final death to set that soul free?
Ah, yes, my mind does tend to ramble and yes, I do get to be rather philosophical at times, however, that is a part of who I am now. I know that there are times that I wish that I could plan things for the future, that I could age the way that the living do and know when my time on this plane is drawing to an end. I know that one of the cruelest things that was done to the Death Knights is our inability to function in a normal way – I mean, my mind knows what it was like to be with a woman, however, this body of mine cannot take that pleasure like a normal mortal can. I know that I can still be drawn to a beautiful woman and I can still do all of the things that living man can do with the exception of the more intimate things. I would like to build a relationship with someone some day, I may never have children, however, that does not keep me from wanting to know that someone cares for me and that I can still care for them. My body may be dead, however, my emotions are alive and well – I can care for things and yearn for those feelings to be reciprocated in like kind.
My, my, I did get a bit carried away here and it appears to be very long winded, however, it is only for my eyes to read and a way for me to try to track my memories in the future. I know that if I were a betting man, I used to write like this when I was alive. I also get the feeling that one point I may have been that tailor or I may have been a hunter or something of that nature – my emotions do get jumbled up when I try to remember things too much. Ah well, I am going to stop writing for now because I know that there will be plenty of other things to write about in the future. I have traveled much since my release from the Lich King and have been too many lands including Pandaria – so many things that I could write about and so many stories I’m sure that I could tell.
Taleonis Nightshade
